Why Not Learn to Dance?
Have you ever seen those guys standing at the bar who are simply refusing to dance? Their excuse is that real men don't dance, so it is much better to stand in the bar and sipping drinks with other real men. I've seen many of those guys, because I used to be one of them.
In fact, I remember a friend of mine - who is an avid dancer - told me once that at his dancing school they were desperately looking for more men to join their dancing classes, and whether I'd be interested in joining? And I simply replied that dancing where for men who did not know how to pick up girls, and if you already knew that, then dancing was a complete waste of time [1].
The truth is that I wanted to learn how to dance. I always felt that it was a bit annoying to attend a dinner party, having a good time, and then when the dancing started, the evening was essentially over. Well, you could stand in the bar and talk with others about how real men don't dance, but at the same time feel slightly jealous at those un-real men, as they seemed to have a good time with all the beautiful women.
So I attempted to learn to dance on my own, but the most important thing I learned from that experience was that dancing lessons were required (badly!) as there was no chance that I could learn this stuff on my own.
Wearing the White Belt, Proudly
So fast forward a bit. I'm standing in a dancing school. My body is literally shaking due to nervousness and excitement, but at the same time it is stiff as ever and I do not think I have any control over it.
When you have reached a certain position in life where people respect you and come to you for advice, it can feel disruptive to your whole world that you suddenly find yourself in a situation where you are a complete beginner. You are wearing the white belt - to borrow a metaphor from the martial arts - and nobody is coming to you for any advice. In fact, people are more likely to come over and point out your errors, whether you like it or not.
I learned that a key thing was not to bring my ego to the dancing lessons, because trying to hide or excuse my mistakes only slowed down my learning. While this might be obvious from an intellectual perspective, from an emotional perspective it can be a remarkably difficult thing to do. In particular, when you are giving everything you got, and you fail miserably again and again. To take that with a smile and accept it as a learning experience is not easy.
So the great leap forward for me was simply to accept that I'm a beginner in this particular area, and my primary purpose was not to protect my ego, but rather to learn to dance, where making mistakes - and fixing them - is an essential part of learning.
Often I lost count of how many times I failed in a dancing routine that just seemed impossible to learn. I already started to think that my legs were just not constructed to move that way, but then through continuous practice I eventually ended up mastering it. Then a few weeks later when I had learned even more, I could do this previously impossible dancing routine almost automatically. And sometimes even without stepping on my dancing partner's feet, which something she surely appreciates.
The Journey is the Reward
The next key learning for me was the old saying about the journey being the reward. In the beginning, I thought that I should set a clear, specific, measurable, long-term goal for my dancing (like, reaching a certain level by a certain time). But then I decided that I wanted to enjoy the dancing experience right away as I was learning - and not wait with feeling great about my dancing until I reach a specific goal.
I learned that goal-free dancing feels much better. I simply focus on mastering the next dance routines, and not worrying too much about where the whole thing will lead.
In a sense, I realized that I wanted to experience every step on the way, rather than just stressing through as quickly as possible. And the great thing about the first steps is that there is so much room for learning that you can achieve a lot in a very little time. For example, once we learned two entirely new dances in a single session. And I've been told that on more advanced levels, you will simply use an entire session to polish a single move in one dance. So why not enjoy the special characteristics on the level you are on now? And then when you reach the next levels, you are ready to enjoy the benefits that they can offer?
Repetition is the Key to Learning
My main lesson - as a beginner - is that the key to learning dancing is repetition. Even a simple sequence of steps needs to be trained again and again before it can be remembered by your muscle memory. I found that if I only participated in the training session once per week I would simply forget the steps in the meantime and get too far behind the rest of the class.
So I try to repeat the dances just before bedtime. In the beginning, I could do all the dances with all the sequences before bedtime, but as the repertoire has grown, I just focus on the most complex routines - as it would otherwise take too long time and affect my beauty sleep.
Sometimes there are pieces of a new complex routine that I have forgotten, and I'm standing there as another Sherlock Holmes in my pajama pants trying to figure out the missing step. When such an impossible mystery teases you, you start to look so much forward to the next dancing session, so you can learn the missing step and perfect the routine.
And the best reward of learning to dance? It is those times when you have just mastered a complex sequence and you are dancing it smoothly across the dance floor for the first time. When things just start to flow, you become unaware of the steps, and your body is simply moving gracefully - in perfect harmony with your dancing partner - and the time stands still. There are no people around, just the two of you; there is no music except what's in your head; there are no limits, you can conquer the world while soaring in a perfect dance through the entire life.
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[1] The great thing about good friends is that they usually forgive you when you have acted like a fool. The trick is not to do it too often ;-)